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If your child is struggling with their mental health, it’s important that they have somewhere to talk about it. This might be to their friends or a teacher, but being open to conversations at home is really important too. 

Make time

Your child might not feel able to talk to you while you’re cooking the dinner or spending time with other children in the house. Putting aside time that’s just for the two of you could be as simple as going for a walk or drive, or doing an activity together, like playing catch in the park or baking together. This time that you spend together while you’re both calm can give you space to have conversations that aren’t possible or helpful when your child is very upset, and helps you build your relationship. 

Open up the conversation 

Your child might not have the words or the confidence to come out and talk about their feelings – particularly if they’re struggling with them. You could open up the conversation by saying anything you’ve noticed, in a non-judgemental way, e.g. “I’ve noticed that over the last few weeks you’ve been a bit tearful when you’ve got home from school, and you’ve just wanted to be on your own. I wondered if you know what’s going on that’s making you feel like that and if there’s anything you wanted to talk about.”  

Ask open questions 

Ask questions that begin with ‘who’ ‘what’ ‘when’ and ‘where’ to help your child explain what’s going on for them. Avoid questions that start with ‘why’ if possible as this makes your child need to justify themselves. Listen to what they have to say and to try to have open body language. 

Show them you’re not scared 

Your child might be worried that what they’re feeling isn’t normal. You can show them that it is by saying things like, “I can totally understand why that would make you feel…”  or “No-one would find that situation easy.” Knowing that their feelings are natural responses to what’s happening around them will help them not to judge themselves for what they feel. 

They might also worry that you might get upset about the feelings they’re having. As much as you can, try to respond in a calm way and to show that nothing they share is too big to manage. For example, you could say, “I can see that you’re feeling some really big feelings at the moment, and even though they might feel really big and scary to you, I’m not scared of them and I’d love you to share them with me.” 

Show that you want to give them support 

Use questions that show you want to support them, e.g. “I wondered if there was anything I could do to help. How can I support you at the moment?” or statements like “I’m here for you if you ever want to talk about what’s going on for you.” Ask them if there’s anything you could do for them and try to take on board what they say. 

Ending the conversation 

When the conversation is reaching its end, thank your child for what they have shared. It’s a big deal for your child to open up and trust you with their feelings, so try to show them that you’re grateful they have. Let them know that you love them and that they can talk to you whenever they need to – they could even ask you for a walk / drive / baking session / trip to the park again if they want to get space to talk again.