There are many reasons why teens can start lying, from testing boundaries to anxiety. It’s important to understand the causes of this behaviour, and find ways for you to cope, so you can feel confident in addressing the problems.
Research shows that over 90% of teenagers lie to their parents, so this behaviour might be more common than you think. In fact, adolescence is the time where lying is most common throughout a person’s life. In addition to this, the way you react, e.g. getting angry, or giving punishments, can make teenagers more likely to lie in the future.
Why do teens lie? In part it can be caused by changes in the brain – adolescent brains are still developing impulse control, so teens are more likely to take risks, test boundaries and see what they can get away with. However, there are more “practical” reasons why they may choose to lie:
–To avoid your reactions (if they know they did something wrong or something you wouldn’t approve of such as drinking alcohol at a friend’s party or not studying for exams)
–To get attention (for example, to get praise when they tell you they’ve done well in a test, or to be taken care of if they pretend to be ill)
–To rebel against set rules (if they feel a rule to not see a certain group of friends is unfair, they might lie to keep behaving the way they want)
–To establish independence or a certain image (they might want to avoid sharing certain details of their life to help them feel more independent, or to maintain an image, where they might not admit they’re struggling with bullying, getting bad results at school, or anxiety)
Getting angry or giving punishments for lying are completely normal reactions. However, it’s important to focus on a long-term goal of establishing a trusting and honest relationship that will make your teen less likely to keep lying.
–Set a positive example (if your child sees you lying, they might conclude that that’s a better option than facing conflict)
–Be available and interested (find ways to start conversations about their life and show them you’re interested in what they share)
–Set clear rules and fair consequences (research shows teenagers are more honest when they don’t fear a harsh or unjust punishment. Clarity in consequences to their actions can help provide consistency and build trust)
–Be prepared for the truth (your child might be lying to protect you from disappointment or other negative emotions, so be willing to have difficult conversations and deal with difficult situations)
Staying calm and not taking lying personally will help you have honest conversations; understand why they might be lying and build a stronger relationship moving forward. It’s not easy! If you need a hand, there are places in Wirral that can help you manage your child’s behaviour.