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If you have caught your teen stealing, it’s natural to be worried or angry. While it’s easier to understand or control stealing in young children, you might expect a teenager to know better. Understanding the causes of this behaviour can help you find ways to cope with and correct it.

Why do teens steal?

–To fit in – One of the most common reasons for stealing is peer pressure – they may want to own the latest gadgets, clothes, or accessories, stealing money from parents or siblings to get these.

–For the thrill – As the teenage brain is still developing, thinking through the consequences of their actions can be difficult. This drives teens to take more risks and push boundaries. Seeing if they can get away with shoplifting or stealing money from you can seem like a fun thing to do.

–For attention – If your teen feels neglected or jealous of a younger sibling, they may steal with the hope of getting your attention.

–They’re too embarrassed to ask – perhaps they need a pregnancy test, condoms, or medications they are too embarrassed to talk to you or a GP about? Stealing money from you and buying these online can seem like a more appealing option than facing your questions.

If you find out about your teen stealing, speak to them about it calmly and avoid taking it personally. It’s normal to feel concerned, angry, or disappointed, but having a calm conversation will help you build a more trusting relationship that will not encourage your child to hide things from you in the future. If you go in all guns blazing, they might close down or get defensive.

Instead, approach them the curiosity. You could say something like, “I’m wondering what’s going on for you at the moment. I noticed you took some money from my purse yesterday. I can’t let you take money from me without asking, but I’m here to help if you’re feeling like you’re a bit stuck.” Explore with your child what made them steal and think through together how they could address their problems in other ways. Perhaps you can help them get a part time job or try counselling? Discuss the consequences for their actions – you could ask for the item to be returned, the money repaid, pocket money put on hold for a week or two as compensation or helping with jobs around the house to ‘repay’ you.